By: Tracey Fuller, Client Advisor, It's Just Lunch Chicago
You are on a first date with a guy, and after about an hour with him, you realize he just isn’t your usual type. He doesn’t really know how to relate to your sense of humor, you don’t have a lot in common, there are awkward silences, and also, you just didn’t feel that spark. The “spark” that gives you that tingly feeling when you meet someone that makes you think he could be “the one.” So, you choose not to see this guy again, and go out with a man more your type, the attractive jock-type who has a bad boy side, but that’s okay, because he’s really hot! Then you realize after about three months that his antics were only cute for about a month, and he started to not look so hot after he ditched you for his friends a few Saturday nights in a row. The relationship ends, and you’re back to square one. You may be thinking “It’s his fault, I was perfect for him, he’s going to miss me when I’m gone.” No, no he’s not. What you should really be doing is re-evaluating your standards, and try being more open-minded when it comes to dating.
Many people when dating put their dates in boxes, meaning after only getting to know them for an hour (or if that) they assume they fit in either Box 1 – Definitely my type, Box 2 – Maybe as a friend, Box 3 – No way it’s going to happen. We are all guilty of this, we put many people in our lives in boxes. Although, when you are dating and meeting new people, it’s wise not to be so closed-minded. Being open-minded means not closing off people that you could actually have a connection with, and it may not happen on the first date. You may be sitting in front of a man who isn’t particularly your type, but you find him cute in his own way. The people who have the best time dating are open-minded, and have fun just meeting new people.
Even if your date isn’t “the one,” they might know the person that is your future husband. People also put too much stock in the first date for that instant “spark” that they forget about why they are on the date in the first place. You can find an instant spark at any bar down the street, but if you’re looking for long-term, getting to know someone doesn’t only take a first date. Nerves sometimes get the best of people on first dates, and it takes longer for some people to bring out their true selves. If there is something you like about someone, but felt the attraction, or “spark” wasn’t there, you may be surprised on the second or third date. Next time you’re on a date, try being open-minded, and get rid of those boxes that keep you closed off from happiness.