We are now officially 2 weeks into the New Year! Welcome to 2015, doesn’t it feel great? Let me ask a dreaded question…
how are those New Year’s resolutions coming along?
….annnd I’m being met with the sound of crickets.
It’s so easy to make a list of what you want to accomplish in the New Year, but what you really need to focus on is how to EXECUTE your goals while being realistic. As a dating expert, I’m obviously going to use a dating resolution example. A lot of our clients that join It’s Just Lunch at the beginning of the year of a specific set of goals in mind – they are looking to get married, want a companion, want to start a family, are looking to meet new people – there are a million and one reasons why people are interested in dating. No matter what your goal is, you need to keep these things in mind when you resolve to take a more proactive approach in your dating life this year – It’s Just Lunch client or not – remember:
Dating is a process – you are going to have bad dates (sorry, it’s the truth) and you are going to have AMAZING dates! It’s easy to highlight the negative, but you have to celebrate the little victories, too. Both will happen, you just need to remember that meeting the right person takes time. Which leads me to #2….
Dating is all about timing – some people meet the love of their life at age 6 – others at age 36. There is no rhyme or reason for this, it’s just the nature of love. You’ll find love when you least expect it, ready or not…it’ll come.
Be realistic – go ahead, make that list of deal-breakers. BUT, don’t chisel this list into stone. Priorities are constantly changing and evolving and so is your taste. If you told me 4 years ago that I’d end up with a guy who was blonde and 5’8” I would have laughed in your face! On paper, my partner is nowhere near my type, but there are so many other incredible things about him that I absolutely love that petty little details like height and hair color become totally irrelevant. My point? Don’t write people off because they don’t fit into your box perfectly it could be the best decision of your life.
Don’t get caught up in a timeline or your ‘biological clock’ – if you set a goal to meet someone, get married, and have your first child 2 years from now...that’s a crazy amount of pressure! Not only for yourself, but for your future partner. I don’t know about you, but if I went on a date and one of the first things out of their mouth was “I’d like to be married with a child in 24 months” I would probably run for the hills.
Overall, my advice is simple: take the pressure off yourself and stop making super intensely specific goals. Instead, resolve to focus on strengthening relationships and spending more time trying new things – put yourself in new situations so you can meet new people. Don’t restrict yourself to “Have a boyfriend by April 14th” because if you don’t….you’ll beat yourself up and more than likely, give up. Cut yourself a break and keep the bigger picture in mind.
Resolve to date, meet new people, try new things, accept invitations, travel, spend less time buried in your phone (you ARE missing out on what’s around you – and amazing people are passing you by), and be proactive in your dating life! You WILL meet someone amazing, you just need to take the first step. Good things will follow.