Posted at 03:04 PM | Permalink
There's one thing all daters (over the legal drinking age) can probably assume about their dates - they've been on dates before, with other people.
We all have. And most us have had prior relationships.
Remember, and this is very important (note the bold and italics), those prior relationships are in the past. Your date's prior relationships and YOUR prior relationships are all in the past.
It can be incredibly helpful to imagine each first date as a clean slate. Sure, you have ex-boyfriend/girlfriends. In some cases maybe even ex-wives/husbands. But those relationships are over. And it's rarely helpful to mention them on a first date. It can, in fact, be quite harmful.
Instead, focus on the present and the future. Talk about the positive things that are happening in your life. The things that make you happy. Share your joy. And, more importantly, dream aloud about what you'd like to see happen in the future.
Save discussions of the past for if and when you get to know your date better. Until then, imagine that you have a clean slate: no exes, no break-ups, no past relationships weighing you down.
Posted at 03:43 PM | Permalink
Many people would argue that the hardest part of dating is the first date. First dates can be stressful and awkward, but they don't have to be.
Here at IJL, let us wave our magic wands and give you the 3-step magic formula to follow... guaranteed to give you better first dates each and every time!
1. It's OK to have butterflies.
First, be aware of the fact that it's completely normal for people to be nervous before a first date. So if you're nervous, that's OK. Nervous is the norm. Your date is probably nervous, too. Just take a deep breath and smile.
2. Breathe. Have Fun. Repeat.
Next, focus on having on fun. Remember, this is only a date. It's not the Spanish Inquisition. And it's most definitely not a job interview. Focus on enjoying yourself. If you have fun, your date is likely to have fun, too.
Find a way to genuinely compliment your date within the first 15 minutes of meeting. Be sincere and be specific. For example, if you're talking about a current event you can say, "That's an interesting way of looking at ....., I never thought of it that way." Or you can compliment a specific feature of your date's appearance/clothing: "That's such a pretty necklace" or "You look lovely in that dress" or "I really like the cologne you're wearing". There's no need to go overboard. Just a simple compliment. Complimenting your date early in the evening will give them a little ego boost. In turn, they'll feel a bit more confident and maybe even more relaxed.
Posted at 03:41 PM | Permalink
If you're a client gearing up for that next date... take a look at what Erin Meanley, dating blogger on Glamour.com has to offer on how to enjoy a blind date. We couldn't agree with her more, she gives some useful tips! Use them on your next date and we can't wait to hear the positive feedback afterwards!
1. Throw out any and all expectations.The fastest way to kill a blind date is to walk in expecting Bradley Cooper and then feel nothing but disappointment when it's someone other than Bradley Cooper (and I guarantee it will be). Even if you had an amazing, two-hour phone conversation and his online profile was custom written for you, do not expect Mr. Perfect. No one can live up to that. To make sure you don't build up the date in your mind too much, stay busy beforehand. Also, I don't mean you should have low expectations ("He's going to be awful") — just have no expectations. Quick! Think about something else.
2. Wear something you love. Sometimes I'm just happy to put on my fancy high heels. On my last blind date, I was excited to be dressed up, and I arrived in a good mood. (It didn't hurt that three different guys checked me out before I'd even hailed a cab outside my building. I think we forget that dates are about feeling attractive, not just, "Will I be attracted?")
3. Open your mind. You can't know everything about a person up front, so don't be quick to judge. Remember: chemistry can grow; people will grow on you when you get to know them; and some people are nervous on dates. As long as you're not a total misanthrope, you're capable of enjoying almost any human being — you just have to keep an open mind.
4. Don't complain. Stay positive and keep things light. If he complains, change the subject.
5. Watch the alcohol. The Millionaire Matchmaker's Patti Stanger says not to drink more than two cocktails because you need clarity. I agree about the clarity; you don't want to sober up after a month and realize you're not attracted to the guy. However, two drinks isn't much, especially if it's a long date. Depending on your tolerance, who's driving, and whether or not you eat, I think it's okay to have three or four.
6. Leave your insecurities at home. If I sense a guy is not interested in me, I don't focus on that fact (it won't help anybody). Just try to find out what does make him smile (Your jokes? Talking baseball?). (P.S. Why worry he'll be too good-looking and won't think you're cute? Super hot people never go on blind dates.)
7. Try something new or weird.Last weekend, I tried frog legs on one date and kumquat grappa on another. When two people share a novel experience, it bonds them.
8. Find the funny. Laughter is the best medicine for a crappy date. What's humorous about your surroundings? If the guy has the sense of humor of a wet mop, take notes and laugh later with your friends.
9. Learn more. If you don't care to learn anything about this guy, what can you learn from him? Can you get some investment advice? Industry gossip? Maybe he can fix the settings on your camera.
10. Get up and do something. If the guy is repulsive, uninteresting, and/or extremely unintelligent, try not to sit and stare. You'll fixate on whatever it is that's bugging you. Get up and get him involved in an activity you enjoy no matter what — pick out songs on the jukebox, play pool, order ice cream, take a walk, or place bets on the teams playing on the bar's TV. If you're at dinner, well … chew fast.
Posted at 03:29 PM | Permalink
Here at It's Just Lunch, we are the first date specialists but what happens after that great first date? We turned to Christie Griffin, who offered these great tips on how to make sure that second date isn't your last.
1. Break Out the Bandage Dress
You wore jeans, heels, and a cute top on the first date, right? Nice. This time, you'll want to keep his attention and wear something that really makes his jaw drop. "You don't want to look sleazy or show too much skin, but physical attraction and chemistry are very important to men, and he needs to feel that early on for a relationship to develop," says Nancy Slotnick, founder of Cablight.com, a New York dating coach service. So show off your hotness in a cutout dress, micromini, or flirty shorts.
2. Tell Him More About Yourself ... but Not Too Much
Maybe you two really hit it off the first time you went out, and you feel like you can tell him anything. That's cool and all, but don't do it. True, the whole point of a second date is to get to know each other better, yet spilling a ton of personal details won't create true compatibility and can even turn a guy off. "Going on about past relationships, health or debt problems, and hinting at wanting to get married are all buzzkills for a guy," says Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days. A better idea: Open up about your likes and dislikes and crazy adventures you've had (no monologues, please!). Be sure to give him plenty of opportunities to reveal more about his life and personality.
3. Touch Him Flirtatiously
You spent the first date trading coy comments and one-liners. Now, amp things up by being a little more physically flirtatious. We're not suggesting you rest your hand on his thigh all through dinner. But warm, playful gestures — such as touching his upper arm briefly or giving his forearm a quick, light squeeze — lets him know that you feel comfortable and at ease, says Dr. Kirschner. Once he knows you're having a good time, he'll relax more too.
4. Leave Him Wanting More
If you're really interested in a guy for long-term potential, don't hook up post-date. Really, getting physical too soon can freak a guy out afterward, even if he was totally into you, says Slotnick. Throughout the date, be the seductive woman that you are, but then put the brakes on hooking up so he actually has the chance to chase you a little. Just end the night with a sexy liplock — and know that it will leave him dying to see you again for date number three.
Posted at 03:03 PM | Permalink